Sunset Soundtrack

Deception Pass Washington, Author's Photo

It’s a bit of a walk from the campsite down to the beach. The view is worth it. Find a large piece of drift wood and take a seat. The show’s about to start. Headphones in, press play.

You can’t always get what you want.
But if you try sometimes.

You get what you need.

The sun goes down over the pacific. It’s hidden from view by a thick grey cloud cover, but shines through orange. To the right over an island just off the shore, and again to the left over the water, dark orange clouds are painted with a broad stroke against the pink sky. It’s beautiful in an “overcast” sort of way. This wasn’t the day I had imagined.

No colors anymore
I want them to turn black.

The sun has neglected me today. Now it gives me these two fleeting glimpses, one to my left, one to my right. In between, it shows its true colors. Light-grey sky and dark-grey ocean separated by a thin strip of brown, the island on the horizon. I’m being mocked with crimson on either side while dead center is drab and dull.

It seems like a million years
That I’ve been standing here.
Holding on to all that holds me down.

Over to the far left I can see a piece of the shore jutting out into the sea. It’s lit up with the electricity from a thousand or so houses. I can’t see the people in the homes, but the tiny lights are my witness. I can imagine them watching television, cooking dinner, talking, laughing, moving. They're living their lives as I sit here on the beach trying to find mine.

Believe, believe in me.
Believe, believe.

The sun makes its inevitable exit. It will be back tomorrow. In this very spot, most likely with a similar finally to the one I’ve just seen. I won’t be here. But I’ll be somewhere, and wherever I am the sun will be there too. It wasn’t what I thought I wanted, but maybe this night is what I needed.