Letter to the Editor

Strictly speaking this is not a letter to the editor, but "Letter to the Subscription Services Department" is a pretty lame title.

To Whom It May Concern:

Theory: TV Guide is run by chimpanzees.

Exhibit A: TV Guide, a magazine with one of the largest distributions in the nation, does not provide a way, by mail or electronically, for new subscribers to pay with a credit card. New subscribers are not informed of this fact beforehand.

-This means that people like myself, who do not use a checkbook, are unable to pay for a subscription to TV Guide.-

Exhibit B: TV Guide's subscriber service hot line, 1-800-866-1400, has been unable to take subscriber calls of any nature other than address changes for the past three months.

-This means that people like myself, who subscribed to TV Guide without the knowledge that they would be unable to pay for their subscription with a credit card, are also unable to contact TV Guide about their inability to pay for their subscription by phone.

Exhibit C: TV Guide's method for contact through the internet does not recognize names and subscription numbers of subscribers who have not, or have not been able to, pay for their subscriptions.

-This means that people like myself, who subscribed to TV Guide with out the knowledge that they would be unable to pay for their subscription with a credit card, and who are also unable to contact TV Guide about their inability to pay for their subscription over the phone, are also unable to contact TV Guide about their inability to pay for their subscription through email.

Please cancel my subscription, I do not wish to subscribe to a magazine run by chimpanzees. I do not have a problem with you primates, in fact I appreciate your contribution to the evolutionary process of us humans, but frankly a magazine written by you holds no appeal to me, a logical, rational homo-sapiens.

My subscription number is: *********** **** *********** *********

My name and address is:

Keith *****

**** ****

**** **** ******** *****

Bellingham, WA 98225-5923

Thank you,

Keith *****

P.S. If you report me to a collection agency for your inability to accept my payment, I will be forced to look into the process of taking a group of monkeys to court for libel.

P.P.S. I would be willing to pay the amount of the subscription represented by the issues I have already received, by credit card. I certainly would not want to short anyone, chimp or human, the money they are owed.